Last Week at Home Before College

Ever since I got back to Pune after finalizing my admission, I've been breathing in every scent a little more carefully, taking mental pictures, willing time to pass just a little slower. It is only now that I notice just how frequently I hug my mother or pull my brother's cheeks. It is only now that my bed feels comfier than ever. Everything seems heightened. Like the last couple of days before the apocalypse. Taking everything in, bit by bit, and all at once. Taking advantage of the remaining luxuries of dependence, the oncoming responsibilities also dangle in front of me, making me tense every once in a while. When the apprehension subsides, anxiety and excitement take its place. The teaser of a fresh start. A new page. A new chapter. Maybe even a new book altogether.

It feels like a rush. Or an uncertain forecast.

I trace back my steps to the places where memories were created. And leave some memories untouched, hoping they'll fade quicker.

Goodbyes and good wishes are in order. I wonder about all the things that will have changed when I'm back. My mother, healthier and maybe a little grey. My brother, grown taller, if that's even possible at this point. I wonder if my neighbors will notice that I'm gone. I've never been one to socialize much. But I wonder if they'll remember how I smiled at them in passing.

I also think of the steps I'm yet to take. The memories I've yet to create. The people I have yet to smile at, as I walk by them. I wonder about the friends I'll make, and also the ones I leave behind. I decide to work harder and to be happier. To make myself happier. I decide to tread lightly, but not too lightly. To be a new me, a better me, but not too different from the little girl who sat in this bed singing along to Taylor Swift. I decide to finally be who I always wanted to be.