People Are Spectrums

I used to think that people are spectrums, and not in the sense that we can place people on a spectrum, ranging across different shades of who we are, but in the sense that we are all spectrums, changing colour from time to time, and I believed that we are not really good or bad, or optimistic or pessimistic. But in the past few weeks I have learnt that a lot of the things that I believed were untrue. Now I feel that we are who we are and not many people truly even know who we are. Maybe even we even know. But I do know that we have real colours. Everyone we love or hate or like or despise, has true colours. And a person reveals their real colours when we leave them.

And I don’t just mean the whiny ex who refuses to let go or the manipulative ex who continues to manipulate. I don’t just mean the best friend who refused to fight for you when all you needed was someone who would. But I also mean the friend who we stopped replying to because we felt we didn’t have the time to give everything to that friendship. I also mean, what we show people when they leave us.

I used to try and define everything and have specific distinctions for everything in my mind. Good, or bad. Happy, or unhappy. Positive, or negative. But I have learnt that these distinctions meant nothing. Because the friend who waited for my replies, was more loyal to me than the person I thought I could trust. And that friend, who owed me nothing, has made me so much stronger that I owe him now something that I can never repay.

So, now I do not know what love is or who people are, what defines them, or what we don’t or do deserve. But despite this absence of distinctions and definitions, I am now more determined than ever to become the best version of myself that I can be. Because we may not be spectrums, but that doesn’t mean we are colour blind. That does not mean we cannot be the brightest shades of every colour.